Life can throw you all kinds of shit,sometimes it makes you just want to give up.What is life about?,hardtimes,bad friends,going through changes with different people.Having kids and worrying if they are going to grow up learning things you try to teach them.Why do we have to go through ups and down?You work like a slave,and slave while you work,just to try and get to the next level in life,for it to sometimes go to a lower level then where you are trying to go.Everyone has ups and downs,sometimes life is good to you,and when it goes bad,it really gets bad.You can walk a fine line all your life,and shit still can go bad.You can pray all day everyday,and still have no good luck.I know we have to suffer sometimes in life because Jesus suffered,and died for our sin,so that we won't suffer in the next life.But this life,right now is hard to deal with,now.And seems to not be getting any better.I blame myself for some of the things that I've done in this life of mine,I blame myself for the things that I've done wrong to myself and to others.I blame myself for knowing better and not doing something about it then.What I'm writing is not as deep as I want to really go,but just things that I think about at times.Can it get any worse,with so many thing already looming in the air,can it really get any worse?As I take 2 steps forward,I find myself going 10 steps backward.I feel like I'm running a steady pace,but going nowhere.Just at a dead stop.And all I can think of is what next can go wrong.And people are not real with you,they are not in your corner as they would like for you to think.They tell you one thing,and then do another.They pat you on your back and smile in your face,but really mean you no good.Which is why I stay to myself anyway,because I know that I'm not going to do myself wrong.But why is it like that,why frunt?,and don't you even know that I see you fruntin.I'm tired man,tired of going through it in the same type manner as before,does it ever change,does it ever get better then this.And how much longer can I try and do the right thing and play by the rules,and pray, to get the same shitty ass results.It's enough to make a nigga go crazy,is this what it's about,is this it?If so then I don't want it.I've had enough.I can't do no more.These writings are just random thoughts that go through my mind sometimes like a run away train.Everyday can't be peaches & cream,and sometimes I'm just not really happy with myself or my life.My kids are the ones that really keep me going,and I want to be better because of them.But that's even hard to do sometimes.Being a long distances dad is no easy task.And reaching a surtain age and having you life turned upside down for a variety of different reasons don't help much either.I put up a good frunt and try to act as if things don't bother me,but the reality is,they do.They say writing sometimes help you get things off your chest,so let's just say that I do a whole lot of writing,and not just in blogs either.These are my rants,this is my way of venting out what's inside of me.I've learned not to get to angry about things,and not let things get to me as much.But if you knew how hard it was,would you be able to do the same.I say again,my kids are what's keeping me going,and without them,there is no telling,what I would be doing,but I do know that it wouldn't be good,Thank God for them.
You see,there were so many times that I could've went down that wrong road....you know the one that leads to nowhere.But just thinking about them and the end result to whatever wrong doing that I was thinking of,kept me from doing it.I am no good to my kids or myself if I am incarcerated,and that's just the bottom line.Growing older and opening up your mine to try and become wiser in the way you think,act,and conduct yourself,weather by yourself or around others is something only you can do.And you can't really be tought that,you have to learn that on
your own.And you also have to want that for yourself in order to learn it.It's easy to do wrong,It's easy to go down that wrong path,it's easy to get sucked in,and it's hard as hell to get out,mainly when you have gotten in too deep.And I also find that although we all know good from bad,and right from wrong,we sometimes put ourselfs into surtain situations.Yeah,life is hard,but life is also about learning self,learning from the mistakes that we make,bettering ourselfs,teaching what we've learned to someone else,so that they don't make the same mistakes
that we've made.Life is about doing the right thing in spight of the wrong that others may do.Not
caring about the peer pressure,or the names that you might get called.It ain't about who got the most money,or the biggest diamonds,or fattest whip.It ain't about being a gang member,or Drug dealer,or murderer.Life is about doing right for yourself and to others,living long and praying strong and pasting it on to the next generation.