Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Paint A Perfect Picture!!!!!

Paint a perfect picture,one that will inspire an artist like me,
One that will motivate the mind to be more creative then we.
A picture so perfect,that it has no color line no black no white,
Where all people are loved,in all shades and rays of light.
Paint a perfect picture,one of harmony,
Where I don't have to ever worry,about my brother harming me.
Paint a perfect picture,where we all have enough to eat,
A roof over our heads,clothes on our backs,new shoes on our feet.
Paint a perfect picture both of you and I,
Embraced in a love that can never be denied.
A picture so rare,so honest,so true,
Paint a perfect picture for me,all of you!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Brotherly love,or is it really!!!!

Growing up me and my brothers were very close although we all did our own thing,and had our own friends.We all come from the same mother although we all have different fathers,but all raised by that same woman,our mother.My mom gave birth to three boys,and her three boys had all girls until I broke the cycle with the first boy.Her grandchildren are five girls and one boy.Me and my brothers did alot together as kids,some good and some bad.We all had a hard life coming up,and going through most struggles that most poor family's go through.My moms had always told us as kids the we are all we have,and to love and respect each other always.As all siblings we had alot fights between us,but in the end we were still brothers.I'd be a fool if I said that I don't love them,and if they felt that I didn't,I would asure them that I do.But at the sametime I find that things started to change as we had gotten older,for reasons that are unknown to me to this day.Me and my oldest brother are madd cool as it should be,now me and my youngest is a different story all together.He has changed so much towards me that it's unreal,and I don't really understand it.That's my brother and I love him very much,but at the sametime being raised as I have,to be out spoken,to voice my thoughts,stand my ground,and not be an ass kisser.I don't try to understand what the problem is,I just pretty much be me.Because of the fact that I don't feel toward him what he feels about me,I pay it no mind.I still come around to holla at him,say what's up or whatever,but still plainly see that he wishes that I wasn't there,which is cool,because as I said I don't care how he feels about me.In my eyes you are still my brother and I don't have to act as stupid as he is.One day I just grabbed his ass up and hugged him and told him that I loved him just to fuck with his ass,that's just the kind of brother I am.Hahahahahaha,you should've saw the look on his face,he didn't know what to fuckin do.When him and my oldest brother talk about me,I'm told that he's always like fuck that nigga Charlie I don't fuck with that nigga.(~sigh~)Wow it's like that,what's really going on?Sounds alittle like hate to me because saying shit like that can't be love.LOL.I think the nigga got issues personnelly.So I told him that he don't have to worry about having to fuck with me or not,because I ain't fuckin with him at all.We are too damn old for that kiddie type shit anyway,and I have to much that I'm trying to do in my life to be worried about dumb shit like that.And my oldest brother is like yo,I get sick of hearing him talk that way about you,yall are both my brothers,and I don't want to hear one talk about the other like that.I'm like yo,I don't know what his problem is, which I don't,but that's him...I'm good.It's like I was the first to leave home,leaving Fla. and going back to NY for like 12-13 years,rarely calling home,never calling about problems that I may have been going through,never calling for money,nothing.Whatever I was going through,I went through it on my own.Life is to short to waste time on bullshit,we all we got,and that may not mean much to him,but it means a hellva lot to me.And I can't, no I won't, keep trying to be a brother to you and you're not trying to be one to me,blood or no blood.I don't give a fuck like you don't give a fuck.I pray for you kid,that you work whatever you feel inside,out!But I ain't on that type of time with you,you on some other shit that only you know about.Life can keep you on some bullshit,if you let it!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Educated By Life: Generation X!!!!!!!!

Life can throw you all kinds of shit,sometimes it makes you just want to give up.What is life about?,hardtimes,bad friends,going through changes with different people.Having kids and worrying if they are going to grow up learning things you try to teach them.Why do we have to go through ups and down?You work like a slave,and slave while you work,just to try and get to the next level in life,for it to sometimes go to a lower level then where you are trying to go.Everyone has ups and downs,sometimes life is good to you,and when it goes bad,it really gets bad.You can walk a fine line all your life,and shit still can go bad.You can pray all day everyday,and still have no good luck.I know we have to suffer sometimes in life because Jesus suffered,and died for our sin,so that we won't suffer in the next life.But this life,right now is hard to deal with,now.And seems to not be getting any better.I blame myself for some of the things that I've done in this life of mine,I blame myself for the things that I've done wrong to myself and to others.I blame myself for knowing better and not doing something about it then.What I'm writing is not as deep as I want to really go,but just things that I think about at times.Can it get any worse,with so many thing already looming in the air,can it really get any worse?As I take 2 steps forward,I find myself going 10 steps backward.I feel like I'm running a steady pace,but going nowhere.Just at a dead stop.And all I can think of is what next can go wrong.And people are not real with you,they are not in your corner as they would like for you to think.They tell you one thing,and then do another.They pat you on your back and smile in your face,but really mean you no good.Which is why I stay to myself anyway,because I know that I'm not going to do myself wrong.But why is it like that,why frunt?,and don't you even know that I see you fruntin.I'm tired man,tired of going through it in the same type manner as before,does it ever change,does it ever get better then this.And how much longer can I try and do the right thing and play by the rules,and pray, to get the same shitty ass results.It's enough to make a nigga go crazy,is this what it's about,is this it?If so then I don't want it.I've had enough.I can't do no more.These writings are just random thoughts that go through my mind sometimes like a run away train.Everyday can't be peaches & cream,and sometimes I'm just not really happy with myself or my life.My kids are the ones that really keep me going,and I want to be better because of them.But that's even hard to do sometimes.Being a long distances dad is no easy task.And reaching a surtain age and having you life turned upside down for a variety of different reasons don't help much either.I put up a good frunt and try to act as if things don't bother me,but the reality is,they do.They say writing sometimes help you get things off your chest,so let's just say that I do a whole lot of writing,and not just in blogs either.These are my rants,this is my way of venting out what's inside of me.I've learned not to get to angry about things,and not let things get to me as much.But if you knew how hard it was,would you be able to do the same.I say again,my kids are what's keeping me going,and without them,there is no telling,what I would be doing,but I do know that it wouldn't be good,Thank God for them.
You see,there were so many times that I could've went down that wrong road....you know the one that leads to nowhere.But just thinking about them and the end result to whatever wrong doing that I was thinking of,kept me from doing it.I am no good to my kids or myself if I am incarcerated,and that's just the bottom line.Growing older and opening up your mine to try and become wiser in the way you think,act,and conduct yourself,weather by yourself or around others is something only you can do.And you can't really be tought that,you have to learn that on
your own.And you also have to want that for yourself in order to learn it.It's easy to do wrong,It's easy to go down that wrong path,it's easy to get sucked in,and it's hard as hell to get out,mainly when you have gotten in too deep.And I also find that although we all know good from bad,and right from wrong,we sometimes put ourselfs into surtain situations.Yeah,life is hard,but life is also about learning self,learning from the mistakes that we make,bettering ourselfs,teaching what we've learned to someone else,so that they don't make the same mistakes
that we've made.Life is about doing the right thing in spight of the wrong that others may do.Not
caring about the peer pressure,or the names that you might get called.It ain't about who got the most money,or the biggest diamonds,or fattest whip.It ain't about being a gang member,or Drug dealer,or murderer.Life is about doing right for yourself and to others,living long and praying strong and pasting it on to the next generation.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I'm done!

I've learned alot about myself ,and what I want and don't want for my life.I feel that for one, life is too short to waste time with someone that is not loving you,or treating you the way you feel you want to be treated,and if you ain't really feelin that person like you should,I think that you should tell them.Why be in a relationship with a person you are not feelin,it's a waste of time.2-5 years of wasted time with a person that you ain't really feeling or she you for that matter,for what.And all that yelling and hollaing at each other is dead to me,I mean I know that you may not always agree on things,but all that yelling and shit takes to much damn energe and I want no parts of it. Now I've been married 3 x's and have not really been happy in either,which help's me to now realize that marriage is just not for me.It's too much work and at my age,I just don't have the patients or tolerance for shit anymore,dumb shit bothers me the most.I've been told a few times that I'm going to be a lonely old man,and if that is so,then I'd rather be that,then to try and put up with someones bullshit,and don't get me wrong,I'm not saying that I'm all that or don't have issues myself,because I do.I like things to be a surtain way,there's alot of things that I like to do that you may not agree with,I like to have fun laugh,or sometimes I just want to chill and say and do nothing.We all have some issues about ourselfs,ain't no one person perfect,and by all means I am not!But I can deal with my bullshit,it's your bullshit that may not fly so well with me.And see I'm a very straight up person so you may not like what I have to say half the time,not saying that I'm a negative person or have negative things to say,but when you are an outspoken person I find that some people can't take it,but then there are alot of people that love it.Either way I am who I am,like it or not,and I'm to damn old and set in my ways to change,which means I ain't changing.Now me being in a serious relationship,I go full circle and do what I'm suppose to as a husband,a father,a provider, as a man.It's just that I'm more happy being by myself,then being married,after doing it the first two times,and going through hell with them,I guess I'm just burned out with marriage and will not ever,do it again,I'm done!I don't even really want to date,I just want to chill and stay to myself for a min.You know get to know me alittle more, I mean people say that I'm going to be lonely and all that,but there's always someone when it comes to me,It's been that way my whole life,but now I just want to leave it at that,no marriage.I'm starting to believe that you don't have to be married to be happy,marriage is just something to do,to make your partner feel more comfortable.But in all honesty it sucks,so if you want it,hey,more power to you,just don't bring that shit over here!I'm a loner,and been that way my whole life,I like to come and go as I please,with no say so as to where I've been or what I was doing.Sometimes I like to not say a word if I don't want to,rather then have to explain why I'm not talking or what be the matter.When you get married all that changes,after awhile the sex stops,at times you don't even speak to each other,you stop going places together or don't want to go anywhere together.I can't speak for everybody,or everyones marriage just mine,and how I feel about it.I'm done,I've out grown it,or the need to want to do it again.If i'm ment to be by myself,then so be it,I will take it as it comes.And if someone happens to fall for me and wants to marry,well then that's their mistake,because I'm not doing it!I can do bad all by myself and don't need any help.I'm not trying to be mean,or hurt anyone,I'm just being true to me and how I feel about it,for some it's great,and can last many years without a hitch,and there are some who want to be married and look forward to that day.And for those I say do it,one must see what it is like to be,but choose wisely as to who you pick as your partner,and make sure it is also what he/or she wants.And don't fight over the little things,or be petty with one another.Work together as a team,and not just for your own selfish reasons,be true to one another and for one another,and not against one another.Love who you're with,and they should do the same to you,but don't be so much in love that you are blinded by what goes on that you may not see.And don't just think that something is going on,just be steady all things that are in the dark will soon come to light.Grow with one another and learn one another,that way you may be that strong backbone that is needed when and if times get hard for one of you.Talk to one another,that they may know what is on your mind and have a better understanding of you and what you want or need.And if you love each other,fight for each other and that love that you both share for each other,when one may be unsure of it.These are just a few things that I've learned over the years while being married just to name a few.It just ain't for me anymore,I past some of what I learned on to you,and hope that it goes well for you,but as for me.....shit I'm done!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Love Hates me!!!

Why do you hate me so,is it because of how I left you,how I could no longer take your foolish and childish ways. Or how I got tired of trying to make it work,when you didn't really want it to or didn't even care. When we met for the first time,I saw in you so much potential,I had so much belief, in how and what we could have been for one another. When we first hugged,our first kiss,how we made love,and all the happiness we felt in our hearts
just knowing that we would be together.All the late night talks,the laughter we shared,the story's we told each other,the dreams we had,now all gone.I once thought to myself,if I just treat her right,and love her strong,and do all that a man should for the woman he loves,we would be alright,and our love would last long.But you didn't see it that way,you saw some thing else,and made it out to be more then what it was.I would've giving you the world if I could,because that's how much you meant to me,I would've done anything for you,all you had to do was just ask.But you didn't see what I saw,you saw some thing else,some thing that I failed to see.You saw me as trying to be your father,when all I tried to do is guide you.You saw me as criticizing,when I tried to help or help you understand.You saw me as a monster,when that monster was really you.You let that monster control you,in everything you do.I would ask you for the simplest things,but you acted as if it was a task,and when you really didn't want to do it, you showed me your ass.What did I do to make you hate me so,is it the many times I made you pack your things and go.I would rather you leave then to stay and keep pushing,scratching my face while all the neighbors are looking. You yelling and screaming at the top of your lungs,trying to make a seen so the cop would come.Did you really even love me at all,or were you just trying to use me for the things that I was willing to to give you anyway.What I gave was from the heart,not to return at some later date.Things you didn't have and I knew you needed or never had.Maybe you felt that you were using me,or that you hit the jack pot when you met me,and if so you played yourself.God don't like ugly,and what you do to others will come back around. Now about our son,why do you feel the need to keep him from me,do you really think that you are hurting me...because you're not!Oh but it bothers the hell out of me,that you would stoop so low.That you would try and let our son grow up without a father,only to be like the millions of other young men that don't have a father in their life's.No you're not hurting me,you're hurting him,and you think that,that's the right thing to do,no it may not affect him now,but in the long run it will.And what's really sad is you know that I'm a good father,a positive rolemodel,spend time with him,play with him,pay my Child support,and above all love him more then life.But because you're angry with me and what we had,that you would try to keep him from me.Now what do that say about you?I can understand if I did none of these things for him,for you to be this way,but I do all of that and more.While you're sitting here playing with our sons life,knowing that he needs more then anything, a male figure,me in his life.What are you so angry about,is it the fact that you loss a good thing,just because you didn't feel the need to want to do right. Is it because you still have feeling for me and they won't go away like you want them to,or because every single time you look into our son face you see me.What is it that makes you so angry,that you would try to keep him from me.Because those are the only reasonable reasons that I can think of.You can't say that I didn't treat you right,because we both know that I did.So what is it?You know that I'm not going to let it end like this,and that I will fight you tooth and nail just to be apart of his life...you do know that right,yeah you know that,you play crazy if you want too. But I shouldn't even have to go through this,you got your life and I have mine,and I don't bother you,but to see my son or spend time with him,so what's the problem.Do you know,because I sure as hell don't.But you know me and how I am about my children,DO NOT PUSH ME WHEN IT COME TO MY KIDS!Life's little curve balls will sometimes get you in trouble....real talk!

Friday, October 2, 2009

I live life to the fullest,My trip to the Bahamas!!

What ever you do,you must learn how to enjoy life,because no matter what you go through or what problems you may have,they are still going to be there when you are dead and gone.

Freedom is going where ever the road takes you!!!

I love traveling and being on the road going from one state to the other,seeing the world so to speak.I've been just about everywhere in the US and had more fun then you would know.It's just the feeling of being on the go,do something other then nothing at all.Seeing the country side,changes in weather,from big city's to small
towns.Looking at the beauty that God has created,the landscape,the mountains,the rivers,the peeks & plains and of course the sky itself.It's a beautiful world that we have,and some people don't even take the time to just look at it.There is nothing like it which is why I say that freedom is going where ever the road takes you!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Who's Bad????

Life is what you make it,so me and my brothers made life fun,even at times when it wasn't that much fun.I guess you could say in a matter of speaking that we were bad kids to a certain extent.Always getting into and doing things that we know we shouldn't.Me and my younger brother was the worse,we lived on the fifth floor in our apartment building,and when we couldn't go outside,we would make games up in the house.But not normal kid games,we were devilish.One night having nothing to do and being bored as hell me and my brother desided to get some potatoes and throw them out the window at people as they walked down the street.Yeah it was the wrong thing to do,but it was fun,funny and we couldn't stop laughing at the reaction of people.One guy just mining his own business while walking down the street,it's not late but it is dark outside,say maybe 10 or 11 o'clock in the evening,and he's walking not knowing what's about to happen to him.And just as he gets under our window it starts raining Idaho potatoes on him.He is now ducking with his hands over his head in full sprint.He gets to the corner where he approaches a woman who is about to walk up into the block,and he tells her that someones throwing shit out of the window, and that it hit him.He never did see who it was,because of it being dark outside,and when we threw the potatoes we would duck out of the window real quick.We started getting real crazy with it,throwing onions,eggs,plaster from the walls in our apartment,big black garbage bags full of water,a whole shopping list of shit,yeah we was bad.We ripped the plaster off of the walls so bad,that you could literally see the neighbors next door through the walls.Momma use to beat our asses.I had a love for animals,so if I was walking down the street and saw a stray animal dog,cat,bird,monkey whatever,I was going to take it home,and my moms pretty much let me keep whatever animal that it was,so I had a lot of pets throughout my life.We already had a dog name prince,he was a big ass germanshepard attack dog,much like a police dog,but very mean.If you were not apart of our family or if he didn't know you,you could not come in our house.One day one of my moms male friends came over,I was in my bed which my room was the first room once you come in the front door.My moms either left the door unlocked for him or he had a key I don't remember,But I remember him peeping in the house because he didn't know if prince was put up or not,he couldn't just come in prince didn't know or like him like that.But once he open the door prince heard him and came charging down the hallway,I heard the door slam quick.Then all of a sudden prince runs into my room,all the while I'm laying in the bed trying to go to sleep.He jump on my bed laying across me,barking at something he thinks just ran in my room and is hiding up under my bed.I was so scared of my own dog,that I did not even move a lick,for fear that had I moved he would have thought that I was whatever it was he was looking for,and start biting me.Talking about being stiff as a board.My mom would ask me to go with her to walk him a lot of times,and I would,but I was very scared to hold her hand while walking with her,because with prince for one you had to put a mussel on him,and the way he pull my moms around,he just looked and acted like a killer dog which he was,he would tear you up if he got a hold of you.Mom was always working so that gave me and my brothers more freedom then we needed.My oldest brother got into more trouble then he needed too,he's was doing things way worse then what me and my youngest was doing.Seems like he got his ass whipped everyday.Check it out...One day I was outside playing,my moms was gone somewhere with one of her girlfriends.A police car rolls up through the block,stop in front of my building where I just so happened to be standing,who's in the back seat in handcuffs,my oldest brother.Now the first thing that comes to my mine is....oooooooh shit, mommie is going to kick your ass,and he knew it too,you can tell by the look on his face,but this ain't the first time he's been in trouble with the law.So he tells me to tell my mom to come get him from the police station.Thinking damn,why you got to put me in the middle of this shit.Now everybody in my block knew that my 4"5inch mother was off the fuckin chain,and they saw that my brother was in the police car.Here comes my moms,in her little sundress looking all happy like she was having a really good day coming up the block,talking to people she knows as she is getting closer to the building where I'm standing waiting to tell her this news that I don't want to tell.She's like hey,you alright,where's ya brothers.I'm like Kenney at his friends house,and Marvin...Marvin just came through here alittle while ago in a police car in handcuffs,he said that to come get him from the police station.All the happy I just saw on my moms face 2min. ago was now gone.She went upstairs and came down a in a matter of mins.Jeans and sneakers on,hair pulled back,and a peace of rawhide leather about 2inches thick that she calls Bessie,Bessie done touched on alot of asses,ripped flesh,bruised skin,Bessie was so bad,that she had to be hidden sometimes,for me and my brothers would prefer to be whipped with some other type of leather other then Bessie's rawhide.About an hour or two pasted,seems like the whole block knew what was about to happen,they were lined up from the corner all the way up to my building,just waiting.Now know lie,about two blocks away I notice two figures running towards the block ,it was both my mother and my brother,and she beat his ass from the time they left out of the police station all the way home,and my moms was fast then,you could not out run her,and if you did your ass was in even more trouble.So they come running through the block, my brother trying to block the thrash of Bessie,but moms is an old pro when it comes to the thrashing with Bessie,and she intend on hitting her mark every time.She gives me a look like OK let's get upstairs,which she didn't have to speak a word for me to know to do just that.We get upstairs,and instantly I grab a broom and start sweepin,anything to take the focus off me while she gears up to whip my brothers ass some more.He get's arrested for stealing a head2head calikovision football game downtown with his friend Ross,who was nothing but trouble himself.The cops gave chase and catches both of them at Macy's Department store.Police said that he tried to give all kinds of different names.Yessir you now have the right to get ya ass tore up.And it did get just that,tore the fuck up.She likes to whip you while you are as naked as a jay bird,and will whip you for hours depending on how bad the situation is.She don't care if you are out of breath,if she hit you in the head,face,anywhere.And don't even try to musta up the words to say that you are tired and can't take no more,I did that once,and thank god I am able to tell you about it today,that's the wrong thing to say.I was in my room when I heard the front door go, Click,click,click as the locks are being unlock,He cracked,he couldn't take anymore,running downstairs in his birthday suite.My moms come in my room and tells me "Go get your brother,and bring him back in here before I whip your ass". Well that's all you had to tell me,because from the jump,I wanted no parts of it anyway.So I goes downstairs,laughing because here's my oldest brother buck fuckin naked in the buildings hallway where anyone,everyone can see all of his glory hahahahahaha,sorry that just madd funny to me.So I'm like yo,mommy told me to come and get you and bring you back upstairs.He's like crying and shit,saying nah man,mommy crazy,she beating me for hours I'm tried,I ain't going back up there,I'm running away,So I'm like, well that's not going to happen and I grabbed his ass up,and said that she said that she was going to whip my ass if I didn't bring you back upstairs,so we can't have that happen, so you might as well bring your ass on nigga,cause you ain't going nowhere.Moms ain't play the radio boooy,glad I don't have to go through that anymore{Deep Breath}.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

I'll Drive You Crazy if You Let Me!!!!!!!!

As a child I would always have these same two dreams on the regular,every night,(1) I would always see myself on stage proforming with my name in big bright lights,and crowds of people screaming my name,and (2)Being a truck driver,driving my 18 wheeler in the desert with my sports car in the back of the trailer,so that I can park my truck and driver my car to different places.Sounds crazy...well hey...I was a kid what do you want?I always had a love for driving,I
didn't care what it was,I was the first one in my family to get my drivers license,then tought my
mother,and brothers how to drive.So when I went back to New York from Florida, I got a job driving yellow taxi cabs for the city,I loved it,I was my own boss,worked my own hours,made very good money,and was off whenever I wanted to take off,it couldn't get any better then that.
I drove cabs for about 7 years before going back to Florida.What I most like about it is the early,early mornings just before the sun comes up,and the streets are finally empty from everybody running around and clubbing and doing whatever it is they were doing that night.There's hardly a soul outside,you can hear the birds singing,from all the hustle and bustle of the City life,for maybe an hour or so,it's just quite.As if there is no one else in the world but you,it's beautyful.And the worse part is that you get to see all walks of life,from the so called high and mighty money makers,to the lowest scum on earth.What ever you can think of out there,
trust that 9 times out of 10 you will run into it at some point.I lived in Manhattan, so I would start work about 3am in the morning,go and pick up my cab in the Bronx,then drive back to Manhattan,Because Manhattan is where the money at.I would drive to the west side of town,that's where I would start,unless I picked up a fare while I'm headed that way.I did the samething everyday for 7 years,You see I had a system as to how I made my money,and I can honestly say that,I made my money everyday,while most katts be complanning about how it wasn't any money out there,or they just had a bad day and couldn't make none.Shit I NEVER had that problem,I thank God.Driving a cab in NYC is a very dangerous job,you can get robbed,you can get shot in the back of the head,people can run off without paying you your money,and worse of all, alot of people don't like NYC cab driver because they feel that we think we own the road, or just crazy ass drivers,we are the lowest of the low...that's how they feel.Most cab drivers are foreign anyway and they don't really respect people, mainly women,and they drive like they are still in the damn desert somewhere.Being a cab driver is a very tough business, some say that it's worse then being a NYC cop,and more dangerous.Again I thank God that I never really had problems,but I did have some...I'll get to that in a sec.New York is the Big Apple,and there is so much to do in the Big Apple no matter what time it is,so when I come out the crazy's are still pretty much out as well.So I go to the west side and then work my way downtown,looking for someone to throw their hand in the air which means they want a cab.Now the bad thing about it is,there's about 30 to 40,000 cab in the city,so if you see a hand go up in the air,you better believe that 10 other drivers see it too,now it's a race for the fare.I had a saying and it goes like this " He ain't yours,until he's in your back seat " and I made sure they was in my back seat.Another thing that I had that was a step above the rest was that I'm American,Oh passengers love that shit,they will sometimes tip you just for being American.And there is another little thing that I would do,I would read the person that I am picking up,I'd have my radio already set with Hop Hip,classical,and jazz music.So as I'm pulling up to pick you up, I'm checking you out trying to guess what type of music you might like,alot of times I was dead on,and the passenger loved it...Ching,ching mo money,mo money,mo money.You see it's the little things that get you paid,you just have to make it work for you.The good thing about being your own boss is you don't have to take shit from nobody.Like one day I was having a really good day,picked up this lady asked her where was she going,she told me I put the meter on now we rollin, I know where I'm going,the quickest route to get there,and I've been doing this for a min now.So here she goes trying to fuck up my day,"You should've took 43rd street,you're driving to fast,bah,bah,bah. I'm trying to tell her that this is the quickest way,I'm sorry ma'am,I'll slow down ma'am,now shes saying shes going to write me up and bah,bah,bah.I pulled over tires screechin,and told her look,"Get your ass out of my cab lady,you're going to cause me to have an accident or something,I'm trying to get you to where you're going safely,and all that yellin and hollaring I ain't wit that,Get your ass out of my cab,Now she's like " Oh forget about it, just keep driving " I'm like Oh hell no, get your ass out of my cab.And left her ass standing right there on the corner to nowhere. She got me twisted.You see some people think that cab drivers don't make a whole lot of money, and that you are beneath them, so they can talk to you any kind of way that they want too...yeah right,get ya ass out.Then you got the ones that want to get where they are going quick,fast and in a hurry,now them I like.Every time you pass another car they're looking back to see if you cleared the car you just passed,man people use to tell me,if they ever wanted to rob a bank, they want me to be the get away driver,because I don't play.My thing was this,the faster you get them in and get them out,the quicker you can look for another one,at $2.00 a pop I found myself doing 50 0r 60 trips a day,and that's good because not everbody can say that they do that.One guy gets in my cab early in the morning,tell me to take him downtown...ok,now I'm rollin,here he goes,"My friend hooked me up with this guy,he was cool,we had a few drink and all of a sudden he's all over me,he was a freak(speaking and a gay tone of voice) a freak I'm telling you.I'm like "Yo dude, if you don't mine,I don't want to hear that shit man,keep that one to yourself alight" he saids "What's the matter with you,you having a bad morning" I'm thinking to myself hell nah fruit rollup,I just don't want to hear about that fagget ass shit.Man you see all kinds of shit out there.I'm headed uptown one morning while it's still dark outside,I see three katts trying to brake into a leather jacket store,or a whole club of people fighting each other in the middle of the street,real pimps with the fur coats and big pimp hats on,walking up and down the street trying to get other pimps women on their team,telling them "Oh you going to be my bitch,you going to be my bitch.Then pimps shooting at each other because of that,and most times killing each other.Hookers giving head to their john in their cars that are parked on the side of the street.Transsexuals standing on the corners like hookers trying to sell their body's with the full get up on, from the shoes to the dresses,and when you drive past them they lift up their dresses and show you their dicks.Man that shit is crazy...forreal.So after I put in my time,I moved back to Florida upgraded my license to a class B then started driving the city bus,did that for another 7 years.Now that was a very kushie job, you get to dress up in a nice press out uniform,smelling all good,making 50,000 a year,I was single then so yeah I was doing my thing,living good,fly crib,fatt whips,nice clothes,it was all good,way better then driving a cab.It took a min. to get to top dollar but when I did man it was on,all day everyday.Went out and got me a black 350z,tricked it out real good,with some new shoes,threw a grill on the front,met a good friend who had a red joint just like mine 350z and we was doing it.Clubs every weekend,meeting women everywhere we was going,speed madd speed,we would run them cars as fast as 150mph, burning the road up,with anyone who wanted to race.Go to the club and get so drunk sometimes I didn't know how I got home.I had so many katts hating on me,mainly katts that I work with.Man I was straight doing it,screwing female drivers,chicks that work upstairs in the office,passengers,Katts on the job even change my name to Dirty Redd because I was Dirty,Dirrrty.Had chicks on the lott trying to run each other over with the buses,having to go upstairs to the boss,and they asking me what am I doing,what's going on,man I was a HOTT MESS hahahahaha.No I'm not all that,but you can't put me around beautyful women and think ain't nothing going to happen because it is,for every 1 that turn me down,there's 10 that will turn me on,that's just how it is.After a while tho,I started to hate driving, something that I never would have thought.I guess after so many years you get burned out,and boy did I.The only bad thing is that's all I've ever known driving.Now for years I've known that I had diabetes,just like my father before me,also my grandmother,mother,and a lease one of my brothers have it.I almost die from mine,too,too,much drinking,and also like my father I LOVED sweets.So with that being said my sugar levels was 1264 at that point,doctors said that I should've been in a coma or dead,and he didn't know how or why for that matter,that I'm still around.Well Doc Jesus loves me,and he said that I still have work to do here,it's not my time.That was maybe 3 years ago,and in that time I've been working to get myself better,whichI have God to thank.It took awhile for me to get better and I lost my kushie job because of it,lost everything for that matter,then turned around and got into a very bad car accident,where I was not wearing a seatbelt,hit the guardrail at 70mph took flight,car flipping over 3 times and landing back on all fours,and I walk away with just a broke leg.Well Doc Jesus love me,and he said that I still have work to do here,it's not my time.Thank you Jesus.So now I am much better went back out upgraded my license again to a CDL class A.The morole to this story is that out of having 2 dreams as a kid,getting 1 out of 2 ain't a bad thing at all,again life's carve balls!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Lady's Man!!!

I had dealings with many women in my life,probably more then I needed to.But as alittle boy I knew that I had something that women wanted.They would always come at me,give me looks,smile as if they knew me,or wanted to know me.Which in time I learned to use to my advantage.My front door became more like a revolving door, with women coming in and out 24-7.I was well known in my neighborhood just for the different women that came in and out of my house.I'll be real and say that I became alittle cocky with it after awhile.You see as a little boy,the older girl's would always tell me how cute I was,they always wanted to kiss on me,and at times let me feel them up.I got into sex way before my moms even thought about discussing sex with me.By the time she sat me down to have the sex talk,I saw that it was alittle hard for her,she was having trouble trying to find the words,so I just said don't worry ma,I already know.She asked me how did I know,and I told her that I was already out there.Yeah..I was out there,but not really.I mean I was actually going through the motions,but didn't really know what the hell I was really doing.I had a bunch of friends that I use to run with,which we are still friends to this day.We were a bunch of little perverts,we all were no more then about 7 or 8 years old,doing things that little boys shouldn't be doing with little girl's.Like one day, me and my youngest brother had these two little girl's,as I said we were about 7 or 8,and they wanted to come and play with us in our house,so I asked my moms if we could have company,she asked who was coming,so I said Nickie & Marlina.So she say yeah and it was on from there.You see me and my brother had plans on what we were going to be doing when they got there.So we put down some blankets behind the sofa,made it look all nice and what not,and when the girl's came we let them in,and went straight behind the sofa.Now the livingroom was kind of connected to my moms room with a door separating the two rooms,and my moms was on the phone with one of her friends.So here we are 4 kids behind the sofa having what we all thought was sex,but was more like dry humpin just naked.Now we are kissing and humpin and carrying on,the girl's are giggling and laughing,and all of a sudden I heard my moms say "Hold on girl let me go see what these kids are doing".I've always had very good ears,so when I heard that,I round under the sofa,pull up my pants,and here comes my moms,She pull back the sofa,to find my brother still humpin,his ears ain't as good as mine,and I couldn't warn him in time because it was all happening too fast.She said "what the hell is going on".The girl's jump up screaming trying to pull up their pants while my moms is chasing them down the hallway and out the door,calling them all kinds of little whores,and sluts.Man it was a trip that day there,she told their mothers what was going on,came back upstairs and beat the hell out of us.After that it never stopped,we kept messing with those girl's and was getting more and more perverted with them.As I had gotten older my sex life had upgraded,because I like being the best at everything that I do.You know it's like playing an instrument,you start out with it very young and become a master at it when you become older,if you keep practicing at it.Sometimes you can become so good at it,you can drive a woman crazy.Which has also happened a few times in my life.And if you are dealing with more then one and let's say get busted some how,it can be very dangerous.But because of the story's that I was told as a kid about my father,I treated women very good,a hopeless romantic mixed with alittle corny.Bringing flowers,holding hands,walks in the park,cooking dinner,massages,kisses,hugs,all in which leads up to sex,and not just straight sex either,I'm talking slinky,kinky,frecky,deaky,hot butt naked sex,type shit that make you yell out " I LOVE YOU ". Hahahaha...man I had alot of wild nights.It got so good to one chick that she called out another katts name,then put her hands over her mouth in shock that she said that and stopped,I told her don't stop babie,shit I'll be Ronnie,Bobby,Ricky,and Mike if you want LOL.And then being into music and doing shows and what not,that's just madd extra,because if you are a half way decent looking katt and your music is decent as well,someone going to try and get your attention and the next thing you know she in your bed.Honestly my whole life has been around women,that's all I've ever been into,sometimes I think more then the average man.See all the people that helped raise me are women,Mother,grandmother,Godmother,Aunts,so all I've ever known is women.And as I look back over my life,it's just been woman after woman after woman after woman with very little brakes in between.Now some may say oh he's just scared to be alone...not true,to be honest I love being alone,because all relationships go through something,and being married for the third time,I'm just tired of what a relationship has to go through.That may sound selfish of me,but that's just how I feel.Relationships to me weather it be,boyfriend and girlfriend,husband or wife,it's just to much work involved.And no I never divorced because I cheated or anything like that,it was for other reasons,and as far as marrying three times go,I feel that sometimes when going through the bag of apples,you get a few bad ones,but you don't get bitter about it,you just keep digging through the bag until you find a good one,and that's the case of me marrying three times.I had two bad ones,and the third is suppose to be the charm...suppose to be.Yeah I have plenty of story's but I won't go through them all,and I also have learn a great deal about myself and women,Alot of women say that they just want a good man,but most not all but most women have been dealing with garbage for so long,that when they do get one they don't know how to treat him, and that goes both ways,because they have been dealing with garbage for so long.And then most people bring baggage into a new relationship that they had in the last relationship,which makes that new relationship go bad.Then you have the ones that I called lucky,Lucky to have been with someone long enough to know and understand that person,although they themselfs have delt with the ups and down in a relationship,but delt with it better then most could ever.It's hard and constance work,again Life's curve balls.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Mr.Hip Hop Music!

Music is my life,the only thing that I ever really wanted to do in this life and the next. You see when I started taking my music real seriously,I was living in Florida at the time,and knew that if I wanted to get anywhere with it,I had to be where it had originated New York City,besides that I wanted to go back home anyway,I hated Florida.It was just to damn slow for me,and to damn country.I was ready to go when I first got there.But I stayed for about two years or so,messed around and got kicked out of school there...way to many fights.I didn't like none of them katts,and didn't want to make friends,so I became more of a loner then I already was,and started messing with drugs and alcohol,I was maybe 12 0r 13 at the time,and I only did it because I was so damn bored.Now I'm from the era when Hip Hop first started and katts was like it ain't going to last,it's just a fad,and people that was feeling Hip Hop was like these kids are just expressing themselfs...man I remember that...wow, that was along time ago.Anyway coming from New York and seeing katts brakedancing,and katts rippin the mic,I never knew that,that's what I was going to want to be doing growing up,I didn't find out until I got to boring ass Florida.
I found myself writing verses,then routines,then songs.There is one moment that has stuck in my head for years,and that has pushed me to persue my rap dreams for the many years that I was after it.This is just before getting kicked out of school,When I went to school I was very quite in my classes,didn't have friends,didn't do work,or homework,didn't want to be bothered.
But I had this teacher that would aways try to make me do something,like come to the board and do a problem,or read something from a text book.Man this katt got on my damn nerve calling me all the time,so one day I got straight foul with him my mouth alway got me in trouble,so he call his self trying to dis me in front of the class by saying shit like,look at him yall,look at how he talk {I was using NY slang}look at how he walk,he ain't nothing but a Cityslicker from New York City,he's a yankee yall.I was like Fuck You country ass nigga,get off my dick!That and fighting was the reason for getting kicked out,you see when you are not talking to people,or trying to make friends,people for some reason think that you are pussy or something,and it's a surprize when they find out otherwise.Anyway, I've now been out of school for a min,been doing talent show for a min,getting known pretty well in florida now.Girl's sweatin me,Guy's sweatin me because I'm nice on the rap tip.So I hear about a show coming up at Andrew Jackson High school,Now that's where all the honey's go.Oh I'm leaving out the part about my brother Marvin,see when we was living in NY,my brother Marvin use to hangout with Doug E.Fresh before Doug had made his first joint "All the way to Heaven".So my brother was my beatbox,and when I did a show he was always there with me.Man me and that nigga was off the chain,it's funny now that I think about it my brother aways encouraged me to keep pushing forward with my music,and more so when I was getting tired of it and felt like I wasn't going nowhere with it,now my youngest brother didn't have a clue as to what me and Marvin was doing musically.But anyway back to the talent show,It was a beautyful night that nite,the streets was packed with people going into the building,Girl's everywhere,"Hey Chase"I was known by now from doing alot of talent show around the city,I called myself Charlie Chase at the time,because I wouldn't stop chasing a girl until she was mine,few got away from me chasing them.Me and my brother was looking fly that nite,you see even tho,we both got kicked out of school,we started working jobs right after.We got some sweatshirts made up,mine had on the back Charlie Chase,and on the front my sign Leo,My brother had The Human Beat Box,on the back and libra on the front of his.My brother had alot of friend so because we hung together alot his friend was also my friends.We had a katt that was down with us name Reggie.Reggie was nice with fixing on car and shit.Dude had the fattist punch buggie that I've ever seen,and chicks was straight loving us,because we was always together.Anyway Regg had a sister that I was after,she liked me but was always trying to act like she didn't,and she really didn't want Regg to know either.Anyway,as we are going into the building,we giving dapps to all the hommies that we knew,and that knew that we was about to rip shit.Man I don't know how my brother was feelin,but I was always ready for this,been ready,In my mind I was going to change the game tonite for these country ass niggaz.I'm from NY,I've seen the best of the best rip the stage.We make our way to the auditorium,you can hear madd voices like cheers,someone making an announcements on the mic.The auditoriumis packed,no room to sit down anywhere,people standing up all along the walls.And who do I see in the front row as a damn judge,that same teacher that called me a Cityslicker.Now it's our turn to go up and do our thing,I look at the teacher,and see that he is surprized to see me as well.I never had fear in proforming on stage,feels like it's where I belong,My brother starts with the beat,I'm walking back and forth across the stage getting the crowd hyped theirs other katts up there with us,Fredd Rock,Mc Cory"Put cha hands up,Yeah,Yeah Put cha hands up,Yeah,Yeah" We straight rip it,the crowd is screaming,everybody and their momma are bobing their heads.And just before we get ready to wrap it up,a thought hit me,something that i remember seeing Doug Fresh do...just as he close his show,he says to the crowd "And I know that you love it when I go like this" and he stops all the music,puts the mic to his throat,and makes this sound while placing the mic on different areas of his throat.The crowd goes crazy,people jumping up and down.I look down at my teacher who was a judge,to find him look up at me with a big ass koolade smile on his face,shaking his head as if to say Ok,Ok now I get it,now I see where you are coming from.We won the contest of $500,and when we went outside,man people running up on me asking for my autograph,girl's kiss me and shit,it was one of the best feelings that I every had,and also the first time that I knew that being an Hip Hop artist is what I wanted to do with my life.I went to Regg house after the show,his sister was there at the show and saw me proform,now she wants to jump on the bandwagon,so I let her, it was all good.So after that I was ready to bounce back to NY,if I wanted to really make it I got to go.One of my friends father was a truck driver and was making a run to NY,and he was going to go with him,but he gave up his seat so that I could go,which made him one of my very close friends even to this day.So I packed my shit and was out,no one was home when I was leaving so I just left.And when I got to NY I called my moms and told her where I was and what I was trying to do with my life.I was 14 0r 15 years old.I kept in touch with my partner in NY and we were both into music,so we thought that we would start a group together.Now on my way up topp,I put in my head that this is not a vacation,this is business,and I'm going to meet everyone that I can in the music business,and I did just that.Me and my partner,started putting our heads together coming up with concepts,and routines,we took it very serious and was trying to be the best at it.We started doing show at the Castle in the Bronx where we met artist like{Kid Capri,Lord Finness,Mix Master Ice Dj for UTFO,Cool Herc,Dj Red Alert,Funk Master Flex,Guru,Naughty By Nature,M.O.P,The Grave Diggers,Chubb Rock,Rob Base & EZ Roc,Flava Flav,Smiff & Wession,Africa Bam Bota,Positive K,the real Jazzy J,Biz Markie,Mike Tyson,Eric B & Rakim,Nick Ashford from Ashford & Simpson}Man we was shaking hands with and trying to get to know everyone that we could.We also got into some bad deal's as well,we went on tour here in the US,From Miami To NY doing every state in between,all the college radio station in ATL.By this time I was just getting back with the group,because I had left for a while,Got married,moved,had a child my first.And as bad as I wanted to be an artist,I had a new priority.My child,my family,I wasn't a teenager anymore.I am now in my early to mid 20's,and as I look back,shit time was now flying.You see ever since I got kicked out of school I kept me a job with money coming in,and as I had gotten older my jobs got better.So unlike alot of people that I know in the business,most would do music and that's all they would do,got kids but ain't working,got bills to pay,but ain't working,shiittt that ain't me,and never have been me.I keep a master plan and it is as followed,Plan A:No matter what you do or want to do keep money coming in,you can't pay bills with empty pockets,so I became a NYC cab driver did that for 7 year,was my own boss,made my own money,about $1000 a week after taxes.My friends was envyest of me as well as being jealous of me,Because I worked and made good money,and they did not,I had things,an apartment,nice clothes,money,a life outside of music.And when finding out that I was going to be a father shit,I really started hustling,got another job working in a supermarket as a Supervisor that's and extra $500 a week,so I had money coming in all around to be young and living in High ass NY.And when I had time to hang with my peeps I came around.It's bad tho,when you and your friends are grown,you working and they ain't,so if you come around say eating a sandwich or something,now I don't mine sharing,but everytime I come around,come on man,you a man just like me,I even tried to help you to do the samething that I'm doing,but you telling me that you can't get down with the cab driving thing,but you ain't doing nothing else.Yo that's you,but you see I don't bite my tongue,and if I feel that maybe I'm doing too much for you, and you not doing enough for you ooh you are going to hear about it!
Plan B:If the music is going to work good if not,I still got my jobs to fall back on!Can't get any simplier then that.So by the time I got back with my group,their was a new katt that was a part of it,his name was Jamie,But he called his self Luverboy,he couldn't rap for shit,and almost got us jumped at a show that we were doing one nite,but he did have that gift of gab to get us in the door of a major record company Select Records same label that Chubb Rock, & AMJG.By this time me and my wife had split up,and when I got with the group they were in the studio recording a new song,Not hatin on them but that shit was garbage even there name was bullshit
infact I told them to change that shit. BUTTASOF that shit sound like yall are some soft ass niggaz,change that shit....They didn't listen.....so many other artist made so many jokes about that name,it was bananas.Lady's & Gentlemen The New Group BUTTASOF! Get the fuck out of here hahahaha.Now don't get me wrong,none of these niggaz was soft at all,at all,They were some pretty ruff characters trust me we done alot of dirt together.They were trying to be different as far as their style,their name,and how they want to come across.Now when I got back into it,I jumped in with both feet,and had alot to say,They now had the deal with Select Records
Started out with a $200,000 recording contract for 3 album,which ain't alot of money to start,
but it's enough to get you started on your way to bigger and hopefully better things.Now me I would've jumped on that,but I was nowhere around when this was poppin off,when I came back into the seen,it was to late,You see these unknown niggaz want more money,so they hired lawyers to negotiate for more money...so now that I'm here I'm like jump on that shit is you crazy.Too late the wheels are already in motion,and have been for a min. now.Meanwhile they are in the studio now with me involved as an unsigned artist,and I'm just checkin out how the business goes,and how they take care of business...and it's looking real shady to me,but they did have a foot in the door.So they put me on a couple of tracks katts in the studio like the engineer,and other katts that were hanging around was feelin what I was doing,but I wasn't really feelin the music.Now the tracks was being done by my best friend of more then 25 years,we were like brothers,he had been making the beat for along time,and by me being use to his style,I feel that I out grew what he was now making,I wasn't allowing me to get off as hard as I wanted to.By this time that gangster shit was taking over,and I really liked that edgee style,
and crazy word play,over that grimmie type beat,it just made you get hyped.So that the type shit that I started writing,Jamie like nah man we not trying to go in that direction,I like then you write what you want to write,and I'll write what I want to write.So I knew this katt in my building who was making tracks for alot of them Broadway shows like Cats,But he also made hardcore Hip Hop joints,and oneday he let me go through some tracks that he had.And I found this joint that was so off the chain,that I took in right upstairs and started working on it,it was fresh,it was new,so I just let it take me where ever it was going to take me,and came up with a joint called "Kappa What's Ya Malfuntion" I finish it that nite,3 verses alittle more then 16 bars each,chorus,and bridges and had it memorized.The next day took it back to the katt that gave me the track,let him hear it and he like,for the first time I felt like I had something and it was good.He kept giving me tracks and I keep writing.So now we at a meeting with BUTTASOF and
their manager LaVapor who was once down with Teddy Riley but is now a part of Rooftop Records which is the studio buttasof is doing their tracks out of.So LaVapor tell Jamie and me that Select Records no longer wants to work with them unless they come up with a bangin ass track,which they was not doing to say the lease.You see at alot of these Buttasof meeting that I attained,I just chilled and peeped out how they did business,now at some of these meeting Jamie would straight flip the fuck out,damending more money,flippin over the President of Select Records table and shit,he wasn't handling business very well at all,now you got people not wanting to work with you because you can control yourself,and you are not even putting out good enough product.What the fuck are you thinking nigga?Plus what little money you are making off of them you are being very shady with it.On the real the deal went from $200,000 for three albums to maybe about $10,000 that's inclues studio time,unforms when we proformed,car rentals,tours and alot of that stuff was cut out so niggaz could put a couple of dollars in their pockets.So now here LaVoper saying that they don't want to work with you anymore.So now the tracks that I had made with the kid in my building,I let buttasof hear it with my mans Positive K the shit was hott,and I'm not just saying that because it's my shit,it was hott at the time that it was made.I let them niggaz hear it,while it's playing I can see lightburbs going off in niggaz heads,remember now Jamie was like nah we not trying to go in that direction with our music,so I said write what you are going to write,and I'll write my shit right.When the joint stop playing Pos was like " Yo I think kappa got something,yall should go in the studio and lay this shit down. Now real talk Positive K had hit records out at one time,that shit "I Got a man,what cha man Got to do with me,I Got a man,yo I'm not trying to hear that see" and some
other shit with MC Lyte.So you would think that he knows what he is talking about right when it comes to music,MADD SHOUT OUT TO MY MAN POSITIVE K because saying that and coming from a hit record maker like him,Yo,I can't say how good I was feelin that day,to know that this artist was feelin my shit,samething happen with every artist that I met...which is why even tho,I didn't get that deal,or where I wanted to be in the music world,I met and did all that I could with it,and then some and would do it all again.I'm proud of myself for not giving up on something that I truely wanted or giving up on myself at that.But anyway here goes Jamie "Yeah,Yeah that hot,but we ain't trying to get on that type tip,and my best friend Ron who was the other half of Buttasof was like "Nah,we ain't putting that on the album" Yo,straight up because I knew Ron as well as I did,I saw the jealousy on his face when Pos said that shit.That's when I kind of stepped back alittle,I mean Ron was aways going to be my partner,we were like brothers,that why it was so easy to see on him,now Jamie that another story I knew him but not as well as Ron.See my way of thinking was this,If you are thinking marketing,you have to think about what's selling,
That gangster shit was what was hott at that time,so you have to put out what's selling NOW.
We living in the roughes City New York we see niggaz get robbed,killed,kiddnapped,gangs we see it all,not including what we are going through in our own lifes,what we see,hear,smell,taste
shit we was type grimmie niggaz we could do this!But everybody don't think as I.Anyway I'm now think yo I got this track in my pocket,let LaVapor hear this shit,Jamie standing there looking all lost and shit,he don't know what to do.LaVapor they don't want to work with you unless you come up with something hott.Thinking to myself "Yo kappa,this is your time to shine,you have been following in the shadows step up,so I say "Yo I got this joint in my pocket that I want you to hear" LaVapor said that the radio in his office was not working,I said well let me check it out,I put the tape in and it started play good,he had this girl group in the office,with I guess their manager,and some other katt.Jamie standing there with me as the track is playing,I see the people in the office bobin their heads to the track,Jamie sees it too,now the track don't have the words just the track,and something is tell me this is your chance say the words,and I did,now everyone in the office is really feelin it now,I see one of the chicks in the office ask who is he,Jamie sees it too.Finishing the first verse coming to the chorus,they feelin it,it feels good it flowing right on time,Then this nigga Jamie pushes me and jumps in saying some verse that don't even go with what I was talk about LMAO now,but at that moment shit,I was hott with that nigga,everyone in the office just bust out laughing,because nothing he was saying matched.
So I walks to the window lookin out of it thinking this nigga here,LaVapor come out like "Yo kappa,That shit was real hott man,plus I heard alot of the stuff that I was pushing out with Buttasof,And I just found out that you are not even signed with Buttasof,I thought that you were signed with them" I 'm like nah,I've been chillin on the backburner.Be now that you know what can we do as business partners.To make along story short alot of things after that happened,Jamie was talking shit,I told him that yall niggaz got the deal do ya own thing you don't need me.My thing again is this you had me on the backburner for whatever reason,I feel that who ever they were feelin we should've forcused on the person,it don't matter if it's me,you or betty boo,we are a group,if one blow up we all blow up,we just have to start somewhere,again
everybody don't think like me,Then my moms had to be put in the hospital,I also had law problem where the wanted me behind bars,seems like everything was closing in on me all at once.But I tell you what you only get one mother,so I dropped everything and went to be by her side.That was over 15 or 20 years ago,Again Life little curve balls!------>If you would like to check out my music please go to www.myspace.com/350zhott.

Friday, August 21, 2009

The playa!!

I grew up in New York City's Harlem,uptown where it all started.I never met my father because he died two months before I was born.He was a Jazz player for Count Bassie,and Duke Ellington,he played the drums.My mom always had good things to say about him,infact she loved him very much as well as he her.I am 40 years old and she still talks about him til this day.Anyway,from a child hearing all these good things about him,I put in my mind,that I was going to try and be somewhat like him.She always told me how good he was to her,and how well he treated her,how he acted around her and so on.You see the era in those days was different,it also was a different way of living.When my mom meet him he was 49 and she was 21.He wanted to do alot for her and her first born child that was not his,and to be honest he did alot for me even in death.My dad served in World War ll,where he also was a musican,and won a metal of honor,She told me,that when my grandfather first met him,he like him right off the back,and told her that this was the one.But my grandmother didn't like him for reasons I won't go into.Anyway,when my mom found out she was pregnant she told him and he was very,very happy,because I was his first child.She said that he use to come home with big giant donuts,and cookies and would eat them all up.He had some heart problems,and from eating so many sweets all the time,he became a diebetic,which eventuality killed him,dieing from a heartattack.So growing up knowing what I know about my dad,I tried to be that type of guy with my lady friends.Because I feel that there is nothing wrong with making a woman feel special at all times.Now when I was younger not even in my teens yet,I had the older girls trying to get at me...come on now,you know back in the days,lightskin brothers had it going on,we were the in thing,I don't know what the hell happen since then LOL.But it was cool and it was also cool if you looked mixed with something,other then just the lightskined color.I was very shy coming up...you wouldn't beleave how shy,but once I came out of my shell,it was a wrap.In my teens,when katts was out on the corner selling there dope,I was out baggin the badest chicks I could find.I eventuality followed the music like my dad,and played the drums in school bands,hoping that my fathers talent would some how rub off on me...Nah,I was alright with them,just know jazz player...that's for sure.But god had a different plan for me,he blessed me with the skill to write music instead.So I did that for a good while,I'll say from 14 til about 30,is when I stop writing music.I was yes...a rapper,and was pretty damn good once upon a time.I did the Apollo in NYC 3 times,was on tour,did blockparty's,jams,weddings,club proformances,talent show,whatever you can think of,I did.It was the best part of my life,I really enjoyed myself,There's nothing in the world like write some music at home and then taking it somewhere,where people can hear you live and inconcert,and they are feeling what you wrote...Man that's better then any drink,any high,any anything,that you can think of.Man I can tell you some storys.People treating you like royalty,you getting paid for something you wrote,traveling from city to city,radio,TV,taking a different girl home every nite...Man those was the days,meet other artists,fans screamin Go cutie,Go cutie LOL.The only thing that really bothered me...is that my moms never got a chance to see me,I think she would've been proud.I mean she is proud of me,but let's just say I wish she could have seen me...just one time or my kids for that matter :( Yeah,I was real close to a recording deal...but no cigar.But I mean I'm good with it...Hey,at lease unlike some of these young katts out here,I can say that I did it,been there and done that,and I would do it all over again if I had the chance.Again Life's little curve ball!

Yo haterz,Hi ya doing!!!!

Yo haterz where you at, Oh my bad you motherfuckaz are everywhere,everywhere that I need you to be & some places I don't. But no matter where the you are, you motherfuckaz make me shine. I need you like I need a pretty woman, a pocket full of money,a nice big house,a fat whip,a loving family,some friends that give a damm about me,oh shit...my bad I already have all those things,and if I can recall some of you motherfuckaz was there along the way of me getting most of those things.You niggaz actually help push me into getting most of them.So that's why I need you to stay on your job,because if you helped me get this far,shit why stop now. I need you to tell me that I can't do this,or that.Because if you are not telling me these things maybe I wouldn't be as driven as I am to prove you wrong.So keep up the good work & PLEASE don't lose your job, I depend on you,so stay up & hold it down,don't stop keep it moving, & by all means keep hating.

My kids!!

My kids are my life,I have two a girl and a boy,I spend time with them,play with them,talk to them,laugh and cry with them,all in all I love my kids,The only thing I don't like is that I'm along distance dad,which can be hard sometimes because I feel that my kids need more of me,and I know that I need more of them,Another thing that bothers me is the fact that no matter how good of a father I am I know that at lease one of my kids mother like to talk bad about me in front of my daughter, which is now making my daughter not want to be bothered with me,Now as a father I have been there for her as much as I should,meaning getting her every summer or every other summer,calling her on the phone every weekend,sending her clothes,bikes as well as paying child support on time,But yet I am still talked bad about from her mother,It's make me fucking sick sometimes,because I can understand if I was doing nothing for my child,you doing these thing like talking bad about me and such,But I'm there for you,I'm doing what I am suppose to for my child,And now with all that was said my child seems to hate me,And that shit pisses me off,As many fathers as there is NOT in they're kids life,as much as I had wished my father was there for me, you pull this shit,What kind of mother are you,what kind of example are you setting for our child,It's bad enough that kid today have very little guidedance as it is,Young girls trying to be grown,sexy,out having sex and making baby's at a young age 9,10,11,12,13,14,showing nude pictures of themselfs on the internet and shit,And mostly because there is no father in there lifes,And lets now begain to talk about the boys,I keep telling myself that with time it will get better,But sometime I don't see it,Now my son is a different story, he loves his daddy, seems that he could never get enough, and I love that because that my son,I just wish that my daughter acted the same way as her brother,Now don't get me wrong, me and my sons mother don't get along that great ether but she knows that I'll do anything for my kids so that not an issue,So lady's let the father of your child be a father, if you see that's what he is trying to be,Don't be childish and say things like you'll never see your child again,or talk bad about him to your child,There are not many men in the world that are trying to be a father as it is,So if he's trying to be one let him be one,We don't need another fatherless child in the world,And as for my kids I love them and will always be there for them no matter what,And as for my daughter, babie daddy still love you,but it hurts me when you treat me the way you do,and I'll be there when you need me always...That's real talk....holla....1one!!!!!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Who am I!!

I've come along way in this life of mine,been through more then I wanted to.But as I look back on things,I see that it has made me a better person,I love who I am,although I feel that there is still room for improvement.Through the grace of God,I am still here,I am still pushing forward,
still achiveing goals set by me.My children are filled with love,and my family is stronger then ever.We all as a people go through ups & downs in life,But it's how you deal with it that makes you a better person or not.We all have a story to tell,some more harder then others,We all go
through things,some more harder then others.But we all as people wish we didn't have to go through anything at all,But then that would make this a perfect world,which we all know is not.Life's curve balls,can go left or right,one day you can be on top of the world,and the next it can feel like you just fell into a bottomless pit.Who you surround yourself with can also make a difference,We all can use positive people around us at all times,But there are still many devilish people out there that don't want to see you make it,or pull it off.I've set goals for myself that I did not complete,not that I didn't try,but maybe for whatever reason was just not for me to complete,and had people there,telling me that I wasn't going to make it or why even bother trying.But it only made me try even more harder,I don't let others dictate what they think I should or should not do or can do.And I don't need people around me,that only want to see me fail.What I see in myself, is much more then what you see in me,In my mind,I can do anything,as long as I put in the work,as long as i'm trying to,and as long as I want to keep on pushing for it,I can do it.What I've been through in this life,has tought me to appreciate the things that I want and have.I am a very strong person,and you can not stop me,or move me,or bring me down.I don't know how to quit,it is not in me to.I am a force to be recken with,And when yousee me on it,make way,because I'm coming through.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Type katt is he!

Type katt is he...He that type katt you hate for no reason,you see him and instantly you judge him,as if you already know him or something,Oh, who this nigga is,he ain't from around here,That nigga think he all that,look at how he dressed,who he think he is.OK LET"S FIND OUT...He that type katt that been through hell and back,You know the type...the one when he was a kid watched his youngest brothers father burn his oldest brother feet with scolden hot water leaving burn flesh around the tub like a dirty ring, because his mother refuse to marry his sick ass,that type katt that watched his moms get abused by different boyfriends she dated,as he and his siblings stood helplessly because they were to young to stop it.Type katt,that grew up in a single parent home,as most kids these days do.Type katt that lived in rat infected homes,with little to no food at all,sometimes splitting a candy bar for dinner because mom had no money for food.Type katt that got jumped almost everyday just because he looked different(not black) Type katt,that had much of nothing growing up,Chrismas.. much of nothing,Birthdays..much of nothing..Thanksgiving..maybe something..if we were lucky..Not sayin he had a bad mother...But saying somethings in his life she did wrong or backwards,because her mother did things in her life that was wrong or backwards.Type of katt that was made strong,and molded strong by a strong black woman.A woman that had a rule about her kids,and that rule is as followed,If you have a problem with either of my children,you bring it to me.Don't take it apon youself to chasties my kids.One lady didn't hear about that rule,and had to learn the hard way.Type katt that was raised by a HARD ass woman,meaning she was mom when you needed mom,but she also was dad because dad wasn't around.Type katt,that learn about hustlin from his mom,she was a pro,had many different I.D's with many different looks & names.And totally ripped the welfare department off of 1000's of dollars,then life started changing.Moms straight turned gangster,started packin dat fire,rollin wit her click,Sit her kids down and told them raw dogg,If either of you become a fagget...I'll put a bullet in ya head...type shit!Type katt that had no choice but to be a man... all man,Type katt that was tought everything,how to cook,clean,wash,iron,sew and how to hustle all the basic skills to survive.Type katt that was always the favorite in his mothers eye,which was noticable to his siblings and also caused jealousy between them.Type katt that had to fight his own brothers like enmies in the street.Type katt that people always say to"Why don't you ever smile" Type katt that has broken the cycle of( this is my favorite child) with his own two kids a girl & a boy both of the same name just spell differently.Type katt that is apart of both his kids lifes,because they are his, and he wants to be for them what his father couldn't be,not because he didn't want to be there,but because his life was took before he could see his only child.Type katt that's a go getta,that make things happen instead of waiting for them to happen.Type katt that's hard working,and knows the value of God, family,love,money,true friends,commitment,honesty,loyalty,sacrifice...Type katt that women love to be around,and talk to,and wish they could have,Type katt that conducts himself like a man,because he pasted that boy stage along time ago,Type katt that knows what he wants, when he wants it,and will push hard to get it at all cost,Type katt that ain't got time for that bullshit.. none,Type katt that will step to you like a man,but don't step to him any old kind of way... trust that,it won't be nice.Type katt that came from alittle of nothing,but wanted more and became something,That's that type katt is he!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The clock is Ticking!

The clock is ticking,and time waits for no man,days go by,then months,and years just as fast.Kids are growing,soon they'll be adults,boy how time fly's.I use to look in the mirror and see a handsome young man,now when I look into the mirror, I see an older gentleman.Wise in wisdom,knowledgeable in life,who's achieved many things,and lost quite a few.Trying to pass the torch to the youth,because the clock is ticking,and time waits for no man.But do they want to know about life,I think not!You see most do not see a future, they just live for the day.And most live as if there is no tomorrow.But if they just stop,and open there eyes,and look around them,They will see that we are already in the future.And that now is the time to get there lifes right,for you can achieve everything ,and anything,that you put your mind to.But none want to do that,it's too much work they say.This generation is the lazyist,and sadist that I've ever seen.Technology is part of the reason that our kids are so lazy.Kids don't go outside and run and play as we did when we were young,all they do is sit in front of the TV and play video games all day,or do whatever on myspace,The computers are taking the minds of our kids,to the point where they just don't know what fun really is.And i'm not saying that all kids are this way,but a huge amount of kids are.Crime,gun play,robbing,stealing,hurting,killing are just fun and games to most kids.And you say, this is our future.Remember when you was young and crack started taking over,alot of women that was on crack at the time,was selling there body's to buy the drug,and in turn had baby's,Well now the baby's are grown up,which is one of the reasons why there's so much crime,and volence today.And there are so many other reason why as well,Let's look at society,so many color hating people walking up and down the streets,so much volence and sex in the movies,volence and sex in our music,gay marrages,gay television programs,building more jails.What the hell is going on here,and you wonder why so many people are fucked up.It is just as I stated,a program.You see the more it's in your face,the more you see it,and let's be real, it's been in your and my face as well as everyone else face for a very long time,programing us.Let's say you were born,but had no parents,and is being raised by a madd scientist,who since you were a baby,has put these type of television type of eye glasses on your face from the time you was a baby until,let's say 30 years old,now here's the catch,all that was played on the television eye wear was nothing but volence,around the clock 24-7 day & night.Now take the eye wear off,and set him free,being programed from a child until an adult,What do you think he's going to do when he get's out into the world, and being around people.He's proably going to be the worse killer you have ever seen.Which is the point that I'm trying to make,With all the volence,and sex,and crime we see on a daily basis in movies,in our music,on television.Now it ain't 24-7 day & night that we have to watch this,because unlike the person I was speaking of,we have a choice to at some point turn it off,But because some of us are weak people we still become programed not 24-7,but little by little,and a weak minded person will crack quicker then a strong minded person,so there you go Mr.Crazy running down the street doing everthing imaginable, and with so many people in this population,How many Mr.Crazy's do you think there are.And there are still many more reasons as to why,But I won't bore you with it,I just want to say that,the clock is ticking!